Infertility is tough to deal with, and there are certainly times when we tend to make things harder on ourselves than they need to be. Of course, we don’t do this intentionally, or even consciously; instead, it happens because we don’t know of any other way, or we don’t even see that we are sabotaging ourselves. Here are several things that you should stop doing, if you are fertility challenged:
Stop Waiting for a Miracle
If you have been trying to get pregnant for more than a year (or more than six months if you are over 35), it’s time to see a doctor. While you may think that with a little more time and a few more prayers, a miracle will happen, that is not usually the case. Some causes of infertility worsen over time. While you pray for your miracle, your chances of conception may be disappearing faster than you realize. It is certainly OK to continue trying on your own, but don’t hesitate to see a doctor for basic fertility testing. Both you and your partner should get “checked out” to confirm that whatever is wrong can wait. Talk to your doctor about how long they think you can keep trying without losing valuable time.
Stop Blaming Yourself
It is very easy to feel like fertility challenges are your fault. Perhaps you feel like you waited too long to start a family. Maybe you feel like your diet or exercise regimen has caused your infertility issues. Or, maybe you just don’t know what could have led to your current fertility concerns, but whatever caused the issues, you are quite sure that there was something you could have done differently or stopped doing – if only you had known better.
You need to stop blaming yourself. It doesn’t help to place any blame, including on yourself, even if you somehow find a way to make it your own fault. Blaming yourself will only depress you. The reality is that most cases of infertility are not predictable, nor are they preventable. Focus on what is most important at this point; now is the time to move forward to tackle the problem at hand.
Stop Feeling Hopeless
Receiving a diagnosis of infertility is hard, bringing on the feeling that you will never conceive or that your life will never be happy or that your dreams of hearing the pitter-patter of little feet running about will never come true. While it is possible that you won’t conceive, you will feel better in the long run if you keep focused on the positive possibilities. There are different fertility treatments available, so your chances for successful conception may be better than you think. Talk to your doctor about your own specific prognosis.
Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Your Fertility
Infertility can make you feel worthless. Common emotions include a feeling of shame and feeling broken. Both men and women who live with infertility often experience these feelings. Before you were diagnosed with infertility, you probably felt much more positive about yourself. Remember that you have not changed. You are still awesome, lovable, fun-loving and so much more than your fertility.
Stop Suffering Silently
You probably shouldn’t tell anyone and everyone about your fertility challenges. Keeping it completely a secret, however, is not really necessary and it is probably painful psychologically. In fact, keeping it a complete secret will only make you feel worse; your secret will fester inside, allowing feelings of shame or worthlessness to thrive. Exposing your fertility challenges, and subsequent emotions, to one or a few close friends will free your thoughts and bring relief. Carefully consider friends and family members who you think will be supportive and lend an open ear. When you are sharing your story or your thoughts and feelings, just let it all out. If the person reacts badly, don’t let that stop you. You may have to try talking with several folks until you find the one person that will be there for you, listening every step of the way. You will find that it will be such a relief, when you do not hold it all inside.
Stop Trying to Do This All Alone
Even though you and your partner may feel alone, and even though it may seem like you are the only fertility challenged couple among your friends and family, you are not alone in this big world we live in. One in eight couples experience fertility problems at some point. There is definitely a good chance that someone you know has struggled to get pregnant. Perhaps, like many, they are keeping it a secret.
Beyond support from family or friends, there are many other opportunities to seek and receive support. You can join a RESOLVE infertility support group, or perhaps there is a peer-led support group at an infertility clinic in your area. You can become a fertility forum member; you can participate in the large fertility blogosphere or start your own infertility blog. You may even find a therapist who specializes in infertility – someone who can help you through the difficult emotions that you are experiencing.
Be sure to also seek support in your partner. It’s amazing how two people can live together and go through infertility as a couple, but still try to cope with it alone. Speak to each other. Share your fears with each other, including the really scary concerns, like worries that your partner will leave you because you are infertile. Lean on each other. If infertility has harmed your relationship in any way, it is time to see an infertility therapist together to address the issues.
For information regarding infertility treatment and support in the Houston area, be sure to contact the Center of Reproductive Medicine. The reproductive specialists and staff at the CORM understand that extra support is often needed when you have not been successful in your attempts to conceive. At CORM, our professional staff is committed to providing the highest quality reproductive medicine, while ensuring the best care possible is given to every patient/couple undergoing infertility treatment.